I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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