New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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