Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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