Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
