Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
