Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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