Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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