i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need moral support for this bender
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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