Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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