This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
