I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
