I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
