She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
