I wish I could punch you in the face.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
