peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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