I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
