in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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