1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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