3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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