We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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