I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
