someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
