Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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