I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Randomize
