Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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