I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize