that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
