Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
