just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
