so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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