thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
