11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
