you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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