Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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