Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
