He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
