Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
