I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
