I molested 6 butterflies tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
