She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
