The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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