And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
