No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
