Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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