so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
