so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
