I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
