Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
