you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
