i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
