I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
