Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
