Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
