I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
