just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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