Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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