you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
