i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
