i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize