Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize