yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't notice because vodka
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
