Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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