Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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