Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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