I think i peed on brittanys purse
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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