I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
