There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
