There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
