I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
