careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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