just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
