Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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