I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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